We have a certain expectation level when it comes to how other people treat us. If someone were to walk up to us on the street and say “You’re stupid!”, “You’re ugly!” or even “You’re fat!” we’d be appalled, shocked, some of us might throw a punch, but all of us would walk away thinking “Who the hell does he think he is?” We’d tell all of our friends, “Can you believe what that jerk said to me?!” And they’d be appalled and shocked too. How could he? How DARE he?
Why, then, is it ok for us to do that very same thing? Why is it ok for me to say “I’m stupid,” “I’m so ugly,” or “I’m too fat?”
So many of us (and I say us because I’m included in this) have a double standard for how we treat ourselves. It’s not ok for someone to criticize our bodies, our appearance, our way of life. Yet it’s perfectly acceptable for our inward dialog to be excruciatingly abusive and defeating. Yes, I said abusive. Most of us are guilty of daily verbal self abuse. We wouldn’t let someone else talk to us the way we talk to ourselves. Why is that ok?
I think it was Dr. Phil who popularized the statement that you train people how to treat you. But how have you trained yourself to treat yourself? Do you justify the hate speech in your head? Because that’s what it is… hate. Do you really hate yourself? I’m guessing probably not because hate is a pretty harsh word.
So if you don’t hate yourself, then why do you let yourself talk this way?
Hello, my name is griffinsgirl, and I have a problem with self criticism. You laugh… I can hear you. I do a damned good job of making everybody think I’m confident and I’ve got it all together. I put on a good act. But I’m the girl who never thinks I’m good enough. I’m the girl who holds people at arm’s length, not daring to get too close or let people in, because it’s only a matter of time until they hurt me. Oh yeah, and I’m fat, ugly and stupid too (can’t leave those out).
I know we’ve all got our demons, and that is mine. I almost feel guilty because I didn’t have a crappy childhood or an abusive relationship in my past. I’ve just got self doubt and criticism. So I don’t even feel like I can complain.
But I’m not complaining…
I’m jumping up and saying ENOUGH!!!
I wouldn’t stand here (or sit here, because after all I’m typing this on a computer! ha!) and let some jerk on the street say these things to me or judge me. I wouldn’t let some creep tell me I’m not good enough for people to like me. I wouldn’t let someone else treat me like this…. so why do I treat myself so badly?
It’s not ok.
IT’S. NOT. OK. ANYMORE!
This isn’t an “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me” speech. It’s a “Who do the hell do I think I am?” speech. Who the hell do I think I am to say shit like that about myself? That is NOT ok.
You know what IS ok?
*It’s ok that I’m not like you. I’m me.
*It’s ok that I’m fluffy. As long as I’m healthy.
*It’s ok for me to do what it takes to be healthy. I owe that to myself.
*It’s ok that I’m not an extrovert. I value deeper relationships.
*It’s ok that I’m not independently wealthy. I’m happy with where I am in life and taking steps to get where I want to go next.
*It’s ok that I’m a little socially awkward. We’re all finding where we fit in this world.
*It’s ok to focus on me. Because no one else is going to make me a priority if I don’t do it first.
*It’s ok to not help everybody. Because I’m one person, I can only do so much.
*It’s ok to say no. It’s not going to be the end of the world.
*It’s ok to say I can’t do it. No one said I had to be Wonder Woman.
*It’s ok to say thank you when someone gives a compliment. Because they are probably right.
*It’s ok to be happy. I deserve it just as much as the next person.
*It’s ok to be loved by somebody. Because two worlds together are so much better than being worlds apart.
How are you treating yourself?
Would you let someone else treat you that way?